Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash
Zig Ziglar said, “Paper remembers and people forget.” I want to remember what I learned in 2020 so I’m writing and sharing it.
Here we go….
Keep The Choas Outside, Not Inside
Throughout 2020 I was healthy; I was never sick, not even a simple cold. No one in my home caught COVID. And those in my extended family who did get it came out okay.
Despite things being relatively good for me, there were still a few stretches in 2020 where I was down. Not with the flu or COVID, but I was down emotionally and felt overwhelmed with anxiety (like millions of others).
With the endless media stream of pending financial doom, concerns with COVID and the lockdown, a summer of protests/riots, family stuff, adjusting to working from home, and the stress of an election year it all took a toll on me.
But I was able to decompress and talk about things with friends, family, and my wife and that helped. A lot. Prayer, exercise, and retreating into the mountains for a week with the family was a huge stress relief and a recharge.
I learned I don’t have to internalize the world’s chaos. There are tools and habits we can use to remain at peace, focused, and excited for the future despite the craziness around us.
For me, getting better sleep, prayer/meditation, digital detox, daily exercise even if just the 7-minute workout, talking with friends and family all lower anxiety.
Focus on the Results and Not the Decision
Years ago as a Consular Officer I was responsible for interviewing about 60 people per day who wanted to visit the U.S. It was my job to weed out those I suspected of trying to remain in the U.S. without documentation (illegally) or had some ulterior motive for the travel.
These interviews lasted on average between 5 minutes max and after a few months of interviewing, you realize that more time doesn’t make for a better decision.
Life is similar. Making good decisions is critical, but I don’t need to overthink it or spend months deciding because more time doesn’t automatically mean better decisions.
Sometimes we get so consumed by the decision itself (maybe it’s just me) that we don’t think about the results until it’s too late.
I heard someone say, “Make a decision and then make it right.” Even good decisions can turn out bad or not have the impact we intended if we don’t work to make them right.
How do we make our decisions right? Steven R Covey famously explained “Start with the end in mind” in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He’s right.
I have to focus on the results I want first and then process. I’ve been focusing more on the process.
Here’s are two good questions to ask:
What are the results I’m looking for?
Am I getting the results I wanted from my current habits/efforts/plan?
Good intentions are worthless if the results are garbage. I can spend two hours cleaning my kitchen after dinner, but if my wife and kids find crumbs on the table the next morning then my results were terrible.
Having a framework for making good decisions is great, but after we make a decision we have to focus on getting the necessary results.
Don’t Let Others Dictate Your Self Worth
As a recovering people-pleaser, this is something I’m still learning. It’s okay to let people down, to say “No”, make mistakes, and disagree with others.
I don’t have to change my opinion to be more accepted. And I don’t have to make myself available for everyone every time they need me. Sounds selfish or ruthless?
Well, it is. A little.
But that’s okay. I have to be ruthless about protecting my time and my self-perception.
If someone is disappointed or doesn’t like me it’s not fun, but that’s okay. I’ll survive. My self worth and confidence shouldn’t be predicated on someone else’s opinion or how much they like me.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And no one has my consent.
I just have to do the best you can, apologize if I messed up, and then move on with life. My mentor, Zig Ziglar, said, “The most important opinion you have is the one you have of yourself and the most significant things you say all day are those things you say to yourself.”
We Create Tomorrow Today (Future Self)
As I wrote in my book Leader by Choice, we are human BEINGS and not human DOINGS. However, many of us focus on a snapshot of our current circumstances and forget that life is constantly changing and all we have overcome and achieved.
Instead of only focusing on where I am today and how far my future goals seem I can enjoy the gains I’ve made and who I’m becoming. I’m learning to be more present and enjoy where I am even if I’m in the valley.
Instead of looking at ourselves via one snapshot in time, I heard Dave Evans, the professor, and co-writer of the book “Designing Your Life” explains that it’s more helpful to see ourselves as constantly “Being, Doing, and Becoming”.
Where we find ourselves today is not the end.
“Being” is an ongoing process where we can choose to be today the person we want to be tomorrow. I get to decide who I am becoming.
We can create our tomorrow by having a vision or drawing a mental picture of the person we want to become and taking tiny steps in that direction, but in the meantime, we can be present and enjoy how far we’ve come.
How do we do this? By creating “Tiny Habits” that reflect the new behavior we want to implement and reflecting on our desired future self.
To walk towards that vision we need to be and act today like the person we want to become tomorrow. Zig Ziglar loved to repeat, “We have to BE before we can DO. And we have to DO before we can have.”
But it all starts with being.
So what did you learn about life in 2020?