One of the first things we noticed on our first game drive was that some of the trees had their outer layer ripped off leaving the core of the trunk exposed. The trees looked like giant peeled bananas.
Marula tree after an elephant removed the outer bark.
Our guide explained that those were the Marula trees that produce flowers, sweet fruit, and sap. The local tribed called “Venda” use the Marula trees to make an alcoholic drink, coffee, brown dye color, anti-malaria medicine, and ropes. They also use the tree as a medium to communicate with their ancestors.
And the elephants love the Marula tree’s sweet fruit, but it’s the males who are destroying the trees. They tear off the outer layers with their tusks and then knock down trees. Some of this is done to show off in front of the ladies.
Since water moves through the outer layer and not the roots as with other trees, they die once the bark is peeled off. Seeing so many dead Marula trees throughout the savannah is a sad sight.
The population of elephants in South Africa has exploded thanks in large part to the ban on hunting them and other conservation efforts. We crossed paths with one herd of elephants that had about 40 members in this family. The ground shooked so much it felt like a train passing by.
An elephant blocking our path.
Despite the destruction of so many of these beautiful Marula trees, the guide explained that one of the benefits was that the bare branches give vultures a place to rest, watch, and wait from.
Nothing Goes to Waste
Those dead Marula trees give vultures an excellent lookout point from where to spot their next meal. When the vultures feed on carcasses they are doing the animal kingdom a huge favor because some of those animals died from diseases that can easily spread when other animals feast on their dead meat.
Vulture looking out from the Marula tree.
Even in the destruction of the beautiful Marula trees nature has found a way of using that situation to benefit the animal kingdom.
And sometimes we can do the same thing with our worst or negative experiences because adversity and failure are gold mines for learning. Sometimes it’s from our most difficult experiences where we can learn the most.
This reminds me of the quote from Charles R. Swindoll who said,
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”
It’s not so much what happens, but what we choose to do with those experiences that matter most.
If we interpret difficult experiences as the “end of the world” then that’s what they become. But if we’re intentional about taking something beneficial from those experiences we’ll find something there too.
What we get out of situations is a choice we make.
In the book Peaks and Valleys, the authors make a strong case for learning from high points, but also from the low points in life using the metaphor of you guessed it -peaks and valleys.
And to get out of a valley sooner they write,
“Find and use the good hidden in a bad situation.”
And the question these authors pose to those who want to better manage the good and bad times is,
“What is the truth in this situation?”
That’s a great question because it keeps us grounded in the truth and not in some of the destructive stories our imaginations come up with.
If we have a mindset that focuses on turning obstacles into opportunities we’ll always find something. I’m not saying we should just smile through our worst moments. That’s fake and unhealthy.
But when the tears have stopped flowing or after you’ve picked yourself up from the floor give yourself some time to reflect on what happened and what you can learn from that experience. The British author John Milton said,
“The mind is its own place and, in itself can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven.”
I want to give a special shout-out to the Ku Sungula Safari lodge in the Greater Kruger Park in South Africa. The service and attention my family and I received was amazing. The guides were so knowledgeable and passionate about the wildlife that they kept us engaged on each of our 3-hour game drives. There was never a boring moment. If you’re looking for a safari adventure please check them out. No one is paying me to say this.
Zig Ziglar said, “Paper remembers and people forget.” I want to remember what I learned in 2020 so I’m writing and sharing it.
Here we go….
Keep The Choas Outside, Not Inside
Throughout 2020 I was healthy; I was never sick, not even a simple cold. No one in my home caught COVID. And those in my extended family who did get it came out okay.
Despite things being relatively good for me, there were still a few stretches in 2020 where I was down. Not with the flu or COVID, but I was down emotionally and felt overwhelmed with anxiety (like millions of others).
With the endless media stream of pending financial doom, concerns with COVID and the lockdown, a summer of protests/riots, family stuff, adjusting to working from home, and the stress of an election year it all took a toll on me.
But I was able to decompress and talk about things with friends, family, and my wife and that helped. A lot. Prayer, exercise, and retreating into the mountains for a week with the family was a huge stress relief and a recharge.
I learned I don’t have to internalize the world’s chaos. There are tools and habits we can use to remain at peace, focused, and excited for the future despite the craziness around us.
For me, getting better sleep, prayer/meditation, digital detox, daily exercise even if just the 7-minute workout, talking with friends and family all lower anxiety.
Focus on the Results and Not the Decision
Years ago as a Consular Officer I was responsible for interviewing about 60 people per day who wanted to visit the U.S. It was my job to weed out those I suspected of trying to remain in the U.S. without documentation (illegally) or had some ulterior motive for the travel.
These interviews lasted on average between 5 minutes max and after a few months of interviewing, you realize that more time doesn’t make for a better decision.
Life is similar. Making good decisions is critical, but I don’t need to overthink it or spend months deciding because more time doesn’t automatically mean better decisions.
Sometimes we get so consumed by the decision itself (maybe it’s just me) that we don’t think about the results until it’s too late.
I heard someone say, “Make a decision and then make it right.” Even good decisions can turn out bad or not have the impact we intended if we don’t work to make them right.
How do we make our decisions right? Steven R Covey famously explained “Start with the end in mind” in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He’s right.
I have to focus on the results I want first and then process. I’ve been focusing more on the process.
Here’s are two good questions to ask:
What are the results I’m looking for?
Am I getting the results I wanted from my current habits/efforts/plan?
Good intentions are worthless if the results are garbage. I can spend two hours cleaning my kitchen after dinner, but if my wife and kids find crumbs on the table the next morning then my results were terrible.
Having a framework for making good decisions is great, but after we make a decision we have to focus on getting the necessary results.
Don’t Let Others Dictate Your Self Worth
As a recovering people-pleaser, this is something I’m still learning. It’s okay to let people down, to say “No”, make mistakes, and disagree with others.
I don’t have to change my opinion to be more accepted. And I don’t have to make myself available for everyone every time they need me. Sounds selfish or ruthless?
Well, it is. A little.
But that’s okay. I have to be ruthless about protecting my time and my self-perception.
If someone is disappointed or doesn’t like me it’s not fun, but that’s okay. I’ll survive. My self worth and confidence shouldn’t be predicated on someone else’s opinion or how much they like me.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And no one has my consent.
I just have to do the best you can, apologize if I messed up, and then move on with life. My mentor, Zig Ziglar, said, “The most important opinion you have is the one you have of yourself and the most significant things you say all day are those things you say to yourself.”
We Create Tomorrow Today (Future Self)
As I wrote in my book Leader by Choice, we are human BEINGS and not human DOINGS. However, many of us focus on a snapshot of our current circumstances and forget that life is constantly changing and all we have overcome and achieved.
Instead of only focusing on where I am today and how far my future goals seem I can enjoy the gains I’ve made and who I’m becoming. I’m learning to be more present and enjoy where I am even if I’m in the valley.
Instead of looking at ourselves via one snapshot in time, I heard Dave Evans, the professor, and co-writer of the book “Designing Your Life” explains that it’s more helpful to see ourselves as constantly “Being, Doing, and Becoming”.
Where we find ourselves today is not the end.
“Being” is an ongoing process where we can choose to be today the person we want to be tomorrow. I get to decide who I am becoming.
We can create our tomorrow by having a vision or drawing a mental picture of the person we want to become and taking tiny steps in that direction, but in the meantime, we can be present and enjoy how far we’ve come.
How do we do this? By creating “Tiny Habits” that reflect the new behavior we want to implement and reflecting on our desired future self.
To walk towards that vision we need to be and act today like the person we want to become tomorrow. Zig Ziglar loved to repeat, “We have to BE before we can DO. And we have to DO before we can have.”
Have you ever noticed that some leaders have this strong sense of determination and energy as if they are working towards something important?
This week, while sick and in bed with some flue-like symptoms I did what I usually do when I feel like garbage and can’t move. I load up on Youtube videos from my favorite peeps.
That’s when I saw this great talk from John Maxwell about finding one’s purpose. I took some notes and then searched the web for the best quotes I could find from him on this one topic.
Eventually, I’ll write a blog post on this topic but one of the ideas this talk gave me is about leading on purpose and for a purpose. I’ve never heard anyone in a meeting at work talk about purpose, but it’s crucial for personal success and our leadership.
One of the things Maxwell explains in the video is that there are people who seem to have tons of energy and drive and there are some who are dead, “but they haven’t made it official yet.”
The difference between these two, according to Maxwell, is PURPOSE.
I don’t know if these are John Maxwell’s best quotes on this subject, but these are my 10 favorite.
As you read these quotes, think not just your life’s purpose but also about your leadership’s purpose.
Why do you lead?
Here are my favorite quotes about purpose from John Maxwell:
“Success is knowing your purpose in life, growing to reach your maximum potential, and sowing seeds that benefit others.“
2. “If you are bigger than your purpose, you have a career. If your purpose is bigger than you, you have a calling.”
3. “A dream worth pursuing is a picture and blueprint of a person’s purpose and potential.”
4. “People’s purpose in life is always connected to their giftedness.”
5. “A difficult time can be more readily endured if we retain the conviction that our existence holds a purpose – a cause to pursue, a person to love, a goal to achieve.”
6. “Courage and initiative come when you understand your purpose in life.”
7. “Whenever I mentor people and help them discover their purpose, I always encourage them to start the process by discovering their strengths, not exploring their shortcomings. Why? Because people’s purpose in life is always connected to their giftedness. It always works that way. You are not called to do something that you have no talent for. You will discover your purpose by finding and remaining in your strength zone.”
8. “We cannot become what we need by remaining what we are.”
9. “When you find your why, your find your way.”
10. “I’ve decided I’m going to live until I die.”
Did any of these quotes stand out to you? Which one?
