Waking up at 5:00 AM while on vacation is probably not what most people would consider an ideal vacation, but this is a different kind of trip.
It’s a safari.
Our guides, dressed in green military-like uniforms are waiting for my family and me with hot chocolate and coffee. We’ve been on several safaris in South Africa, but this was our first overnight trip and our first time in the Greater Kruger Park.
View from the back of the safari truck.
During overnight safaris, you leave around 5:30 AM for morning drives and then again after 6:00 PM for the evening drives, and on each, you get to see different types of animals.
Driving around for hours on dirt roads and in total darkness at times in an SUV without windows, doors, or a roof puts you in close contact with the wild so it can be a humbling (sometimes terrifying) experience.
And while observing nature and the wildlife, I made some connections with life and leadership. I couldn’t help myself; these ideas and connections just come to me.
I had a similar experience when I went trekking in Rwanda to find mountain gorillas.
The larger animals like the lions, hyenas, and black Rhinos are at war every day. The males venture out daily to mark their territories with urine and/or feces and patrol the perimeter. This lets other animals of their specifies know not to enter that zone or else it’s a fight to the death!
Despite the “Do Not Enter” signs and the patroling, these animals are constantly going out to attack others of their species to get their females or territories or both.
The lions for example will attack another pride and if they win, they keep the females and the land, but they kill all the cubs ( to eliminate any chances of revenge).
We got too close to these lions.
There’s no mercy in the savannah (South Africans call it ” The Bush” by the way).
These animals live in a state of either protecting their territories and their families or challenging others for what they have. It’s in their DNA.
Even lions raised in captivity for generations that don’t need to hunt or territory will still try to take over another pride. It’s in their DNA.
So here’s the lesson I got from nature.
Challenge or be challenged.
Have you ever noticed that when you do the hard stuff sooner (the things you least want to do), life becomes easier? I define the “hard stuff” as those things you least want to do, but you know that it’s the best thing for you in the long term.
This reminds me of the quote from motivational speaker Less Brown who said “If You Do What is Easy Your Life Will Be Hard. But if You Do What is Hard Your Life Will Be Easy.”
When we challenge ourselves to not settle, to go after big goals, to ignore the critics, or to pursue the things we really want instead of just accepting the scraps thrown at us we make life harder on ourselves.
But there are different types of hard. The had that I’m talking about is good for us. This is positive stress.
If you don’t find a constructive way of challenging yourself and doing the hard stuff, life will do it for you.
In the short term, it’s a lot easier to sit back and binge-watch Netflix every night and avoid doing the hard stuff. But what’s your Return on Attention (ROA) for that?
What do you get when you take the easy road?
Whether you challenge yourself or just coast, life will bring difficulty. But when we intentionally challenge ourselves by doing the hard stuff we are choosing the difficulties that benefit us.
This reminds me of Winston Churchill’s famous quote,
“Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm”.
There’s the pain of regret that comes from realizing you didn’t go after the life you wanted and the pain that comes from chasing those big goals and dreams. But only one is meaningful and fulfilling.
There’s no right or wrong answer to this next question. It all depends on what you want out of life.
Are you challenging yourself or just going with the flow of life?
I want to give a special shout-out to the Ku Sungula Safari lodge in the Greater Kruger Park in South Africa. The service and attention my family and I received was amazing. The guides were so knowledgeable and passionate about the wildlife that they kept us engaged on each of our 3-hour game drives. There was never a boring moment. If you’re looking for a safari adventure please check them out. No one is paying me to say this.
You can be a good leader or a nice leader, but you can’t be both.
Nice leaders have a major weakness. They prioritize acceptance and agreeableness over effectiveness.
How do I know? I learned it from personal experience.
Years ago, after joining the Foreign Service, they sent me to Kigali, Rwanda for my first assignment. Fresh out of graduate school, I had some work experience but never supervised anyone.
Yet, I found myself leading a 30-person team overnight with no direction from a direct supervisor since that position was vacant.
Have you ever looked back at your life and thought, “That was dumb. Why did I do that?” Today, it’s easy for me to recognize so many of the mistakes I was making.
But there was one leadership mistake that stood out.
At the time, I had no idea what leadership was so I assumed all I had to do was be nice to my employees and everything would work out. I saw leadership as a popularity contest where the goal was to be accepted or liked by everyone.
That was dumb!
I was scared to call people out.
I avoided tough conversations.
I was as soft as a pillow.
But over time, I realized that good leaders aren’t competing for popularity, acceptance, or being liked.
Being a nice leader and being a good leader are not the same.
When we think about great leaders the words that come to mind (at least for me) are:
Disciplined
Great communicator
Ethical
Courageous
Action-oriented
Focused
Determined
Resilient
Mentally tough
Empathetic
Being nice didn’t make the list.
When being nice, liked, or accepted becomes your goal as a leader you lose the very thing you’re trying to accomplish- influence, respect, and authority.
One of the recurring themes I’ve discovered over the years is that leadership has a lot to do with doing the opposite of what one feels is the easiest thing to do. That’s why leadership sucks.
Yes, it sucks!
Leadership is a constant battle with oneself to do the thing you least want to do—the hard stuff!
You know…
Those hard conversations you’ve been avoiding, firing someone, admitting you made a mistake, putting your ego to the side, etc.
These are unpleasant things to do. Leadership is hard and can be lonely at times. It’s not glamorous. The biggest problem nice leaders have is that they can’t do the hard and uncomfortable stuff.
These are some of the hard things nice leaders struggle with:
They can’t say no.
They can’t keep high standards.
They don’t communicate their boundaries.
They don’t advocate for their desires, ideas, or aspirations.
They don’t want to disagree with others to “keep the peace”.
They don’t ask for what they want.
They see all conflict as negative so they don’t confront when necessary.
They say what others want to hear instead of the truth.
They put up with stuff they know they shouldn’t.
Avoiding the nice leader trap doesn’t mean we need to be jerks (check out my post on Elon Musk). And being nice doesn’t mean you’re being effective either.
An alternative to being nice is being kind.
There’s a big difference between being nice and being kind. Nice is a neutral position that’s reactive, passive, and doesn’t require much thought. But being kind on the other hand takes intentionality because proactive.
And one of the most powerful tools leaders have is love. When you love or deeply care about someone, your team, or something you will go above and beyond for that thing.
The most effective and respected leaders are known for things like love, passion, and character. Niceness is not a leadership tenet.
It’s a trap.
Is your leadership style focused on being nice or being effective?
Image courtesy of http://www.ranzey.com/generators/bart/index.html
January 1st is in the rearview mirror. Do you remember the goals and resolutions you made in January?
I’m human too so I know what it’s like to start the year with great life-changing goals and resolutions only to see them fizzle out after a few weeks.
You’re not alone; this is totally normal. Staying focused on our goals is not easy. You have to be totally intentional about it.
Gyms sell close to 90% of their memberships in January with the expectation that the majority of the people who signed up will stop coming by February and March
Over the years through trial and error, I’ve learned that goal-setting is both art and science. It’s an art because you need a process that is personal and works for YOU.
And it’s a science because there’s a lot of research out there on the most effective and ineffective ways of setting and executing goals.
I don’t have to tell you this, but if you’re reading this you know the importance of setting goals. The problem isn’t lack of information, the real issue is most of us don’t stick with our goals throughout the year.
It’s hard to stay committed to long-term goals because life gets messy. We get busy, take new responsibilities, have major life changes, or get distracted so we gradually take the easier path and go back to our regular routines.
Two things to keep in mind.
Human beings are more emotional creatures. Emotions play a huge role in determining what actions we take or don’t take. Personal development guru Jim Rohn said, “We generally change ourselves for one of two reasons: inspiration or desperation.”
So here five things that are helping me keep stay focused on my goals.
WRITE IT DOWN
“People forget, but paper remembers.” I know this is captain obvious, but you MUST write down your goals. There’s a lot of research showing that people who write their goals have a higher chance of accomplishing them.
When I used to make New Year’s resolutions I never wrote them down. I filed them away in my mental cabinet which is so good I never thought about them again.
And to take it further, you can write down your goals weekly or even daily.
LESS IS MORE
When I started taking goal setting seriously I focused on 7 to 8 goals per year. The more the better, right?
Wrong.
You can do more by focusing on less. Goal-setting is a highly personal thing so while focusing on 7 to 8 goals can work for some people, it also makes it much harder to focus.
Let’s be honest. If it’s hard to accomplish one goal now, can you really achieve 7 or 8 really important things at the same time?
I don’t know if there’s a magic number, but thanks to a push from psychologist Dr. Benjamin Hardy, I’m focused on just three goals. Just thinking about the difference between 3 and 8 makes me feel better (remember we are emotional beings).
SEE YOUR GOALS DAILY
On top of writing your goals, put them in places where you’ll be forced to see them. Write them on a 3×5 card, a notebook, or on a piece of paper you carry in your wallet/purse. David Goggins puts them on his accountability mirror.
On the front of a 3×5 card, I wrote my big three goals for the year and on the back, I wrote my big three smaller goals (targets) for the month. I leave the card in my daily planner so that each time I open it I’m forced to pick up the card (this is what behavioral scientist BJ Fogg, author of Tiny Habits, calls a “Prompt” which is something that forces you to remember to do a certain behavior.)
JOURNAL ABOUT YOUR GOALS
When done intentionally, Journaling has amazing benefits and can be a great tool for gaining clarity. When writing about one’s goals or future, putting pen to paper helps cement those ideas in your head.
You can journal about your progress towards achieving those goals. You can describe what it will feel like after you accomplish your goals.
You can even journal as if you’ve already achieved your goals.
USE AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER
Share your goals with one person you trust or a small group of close people and that will put some positive pressure on you. And if you want to take it to the next level, give that person or group permission to ask you about your progress.
To take it even further, send them a check for $50 (or some painful amount) and tell them that if you don’t accomplish your goals they can cash it.
These five tips don’t mean I will execute on my goals, but by simplifying them and keeping them top of mind it makes it much easier for me to accomplish them.
What are you doing to follow through on your goals?
