I once heard a Christian pastor say to his congregation that one day they all will find out that they’ve been a little wrong about their faith. His intellectual vulnerability was refreshing and welcoming, but in no way did this mean he stopped believing in his faith.
It just meant he had the emotional and intellectual courage to express himself and his doubts.
This is the type of intellectual vulnerability that’s missing from many of the conflicts playing out these days on political shows, offices, and in living rooms. I’ve noticed that when people disagree, including myself, we pretend to listen to the other person, but what we’re really doing is reloading our ammunition of arguments to defend our position.
Today it seems like “being wrong” is not an option. And the goal is to completely demolish anyone who has a different political view or opinion and this makes it practically impossible to resolve
When the purpose of engaging in a conversation is only to confirm that you were right nothing happens because both sides now fighting for intellectual territory. And the first side to make any concession will lose.
At times we get so caught up in “being right” that we don’t spend any time trying to see things from the other person’s perspective. That’s why after you see people passionately arguing about something it’s rare to see one person say to the other – “You’re right; I was wrong the entire time.”
If you can’t see a situation or conflict from someone else’s perspective it’s hard to identify what the real problems is and it’s difficult to have empathy. And without empathy, you’ll be speaking AT each other instead of TO each other.
Listening and trying to understand someone else’s position isn’t a sign of compromise, failure, or weakness. It’s a sign of empathy.
So how can we change our mindset so that during those highly emotional conflicts or arguments we can actually address the issue or at least identify the cause of the problem and not the symptom?
So what can we do about this?
One thing I’ve been doing recently is asking myself this question: “What if I’m wrong about what I have always believed?”
Asking myself this question doesn’t mean I’m giving up, avoiding conflict, or accepting the other person’s idea completely. But it does help me to think more clearly on why I believe what I believe and it also helps to better understand the other’s perspective.
If you are always right then how will you know when you’re wrong? Author Stephen Covey sums all of this up perfectly in his book 7 Habits of Highly Successful People when he says