3 Things Nelson Mandela Can Teach Us About Influence (Part 2)
Welcome back to this series on the three things we can learn from Nelson Mandela about positive influence. Go check out part 1 if you missed it. The idea for this series came from the book Playing the Enemy by John Carlin.
In “Playing the Enemy” there’s a story that takes place the day after Nelson Mandela won (May 10, 1994) the Presidential election in South Africa. Just to add some context these were the first multi-racial Presidential elections in the South Africa’s history and many feared that the country was on the brink of a civil war based.
The day after winning the Presidential elections, Mandela visited the office of the former President’s chief of staff. The former President was known as one of the key figures fighting to keep apartheid (according to Oxford dictionary- Apartheid is a policy or system of segregation or discrimination on grounds of race.) in place.
Anticipating his firing, especially with the start of the country’s first black presidency, the chief of staff was packing his belongings and preparing to move on when Mandela walked into his office and said,
“You know this job. I don’t. I am from the bush. I am ignorant. Now, if you stay with me it would be just for one term, that is all. Five years. And then, of course, you would be free to leave, now, please understand me: this is not an order. I would like to have you here only if you wish to stay and share your knowledge and your experience with me. “
That was Mandela’s way of sincerely asking for help because he needed it. Of course, Mandela wasn’t an ignorant man from the bush.
Mandela was a trained lawyer, the leader the biggest opposition movement, the person most credited for bringing multi-racial elections to South Africa, and had brought much unwanted attention to South Africa on account of its apartheid system.
Oh yeah and he was the new President.
So what can we take from this story?
- It’s Okay to Show Vulnerability
The first thing I found was that instead of relying on his newfound authority as President to force the chief of staff to work for him, Mandela did the opposite. He relied on his vulnerability and not on his title or newfound authority.
Being vulnerable sounds so simple, but it’s hard for leaders to embrace. Why?
As leaders our natural reaction is to do the opposite. We believe that vulnerability is a sign of weakness so we do everything possible to avoid showing any signs that make us seem less than capable.
However, when used at the right time and for the right reasons being vulnerable is one of those things that makes us most human. It leads to connection. That’s a good thing.
I worked for a boss once who would ofter ask for my opinion because he didn’t know something or wanted to hear from more perspectives. I didn’t think any less of him; it was the opposite.
It was a win-win. I felt appreciated, included, and empowered.
Being fully human isn’t a sign of weakness. We need to stop pretending that being a leader means you’re perfect. Needing help and not having all the answer doesn’t make you any less of a leader.
This realization is important because this helps build trust.
It takes courage to be vulnerable in front of others, to ask for help, and admit you don’t have all the answers.
I’m not proposing that we go around just asking everyone for help and trying to manipulate others. You can’t fake vulnerability. Well I’m sure you can, but you shouldn’t it because It’s wrong and because people will see right through your act.
- Ask for Help When Needed
The second thing I picked up from this story and from Mandela was his ability to get the right help when needed regardless if they agreed with him or not. He didn’t try to do things on his own all time. There were times when he had to make decisions that went against his political party, but he listened first and then decided on the action needed.
Mandela was very intentional about surrounding himself with the right people even if they did not agree him on everything. This is really important because we all have biases. Research has demonstrated that people feel more comfortable with people who look like themselves.
But the problem here is that familiarity or comfortableness doesn’t equate to effectiveness. Mandela didn’t seem to care about that. He was more focused on the mission and getting the right kind of help instead of thinking he could do it on his own.
As leaders we have to stop believing in the myth of the “Self-made” person. Everyone needs help with something.
- Put Your Ego Away
The final thing I picked up from this story has to do with ego.
You see one of the biggest problems or obstacles for leadership is you. It’s not other people, your circumstances, your goals. It’s your ego.
On multiple occasions Mandela put his ego to the side and focused on the greater mission. I think it was due to his focus on the bigger mission that he was able to ignore his ego.
Could you imagine asking your political rivals or people who you know distrust you for help? It’s hard to imagine, right?
The reason for this is because of our ego. Sometimes our ego is calling the shots so when it takes over instead of making decisions that make sense we focus on things that we think make us look good (smart, in control, etc) instead of doing what’s right.
When you put your ego to side it really helps us build trust and connection in addition to making better decisions.
Which one of these ideas comes easiest and hardest for you to apply? And why?