[UPDATE: Due to the positive feedback I received on this series I turned it into a short book called “Lead Like Mike”. If you want to support me and read the ten posts all in one place you can now order the book here.]
You can check out my post on episode 7 here. The principle I picked up on was about the importance of doing what’s right over what feels good. In my write up for episode 6, I talked about how Jordan’s competitive drive sometimes went too far and now it catches up with him.
Are You Responding or Reacting?
In episode 8 Jordan had retired and spent nearly two-years away to pursue the childhood dream of playing baseball. After the baseball season was cut short due to a player strike Jordan slowly returned to basketball towards the end of the season but they lost in the playoffs to the Orlando Magic in 1995. That loss was all the fuel he needed to remind himself of how much he hated to lose.
As if losing in the playoffs wasn’t enough motivation, that short season Jordan changed his number to 45 but after the loss to the Orlando Magic, one of the opposing players told reporters that “Number 45 is not Number 23”- meaning that the new Jordan can’t play like the old one.
So, the following season Jordan had a chip on his shoulder. And he kept a mental checklist of everyone who wronged him so every negative comment or sign of disrespect was like a log added to a fire.
Frustrated from the loss and what he saw as complacency from new players on the team, Jordan pushed his teammates more than ever.
Explaining the situation in episode 8 Jordan said “I wanted them to understand what it felt like to be in the trenches,” he explained. “If you don’t understand, then you’re not going to respond when the war starts. Steve [Kerr] and Luc [Longley], all those guys, they come in riding high on the three championships and they had no f—— thing to do with it. We were s— when I got [to the Bulls in 1984]. We elevated to be a championship-quality team. There were certain standards we had to live by. You don’t come pussyfooting around, joking and kidding around. You have to come in ready to play.”
During training camp, he continued to play hard and push his teammates as much as possible. At one practice, Jordan, who is 6-feet-6 and over 200 lbs., is covering Steve Kerr who is 6-foot-3 and gets upset with the fouls coach Pill Jackson is calling on him.
So, Jordan responds by giving Kerr an intentionally hard foul. Instead of just taking it and bowing down to his Airness, Kerr punches Jordan right in the chest.
Then, in one of the lowest and most infamous moments of his career Jordan explains his reaction to Kerr’s punch. “I haul off and hit him right in the f—— eye,” Jordan admitted with disappointment. “Phil throws me out of practice. I’m in the shower and I’m like, ‘I just beat up the littlest guy on the f—— court.’ I felt about this small.” Jordan held his finger and his thumb about an inch apart.
“I called Steve,” he added. “I apologized: ‘Look, man, it had nothing to do with you. I feel bad.”
Jordan lost control of his emotions and responded violently.
LEADERSHIP PRINCIPLE #8: If you master your emotions you’ll never be a slave to them.
One of the fine lines that leaders have to balance is between feeling the full spectrum of emotions, but not letting them dictate how we react. The moment we lose control of our emotions we’ve lost control of our response to life and its circumstances.
The best explanation comes from psychologist and holocaust survivor Victor Frankl, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Victor Frankl
Emotional intelligence is real and critical.
This doesn’t mean we can’t get upset, angry, or frustrated. I don’t believe in hiding or ignoring what feel like stoicism. Instead of suppressing our emotions, it’s better to learn how to use manage them and use them so that no outside force can dictate our responses.
Think of it like the martial art Judo. Ju means “gentle” and “do” means way. In Judo you use the opponents’ mass and energy against them. You don’t simply react to attacks emotionally, head-on or blindly just because you are being provoked or even hit.
You assess the situation to determine if a response is necessary and if so, what level of response is needed. In short, when you control your emotions you can respond intelligently instead of react emotionally.
When we react, we just do what feels good or natural in the moment like an automatic involuntary response to external stimuli. But when we respond, we’re in full control of ourselves.
So, are you in control of your emotions or do your emotions control you?
If you like this series, and want to increase your leadership I.Q check out my book, “Leader by Choice.”
Some of the reviews:
—“I think everyone can benefit from reading this, but especially those who feel they are held back by their past.”
—“I read a lot of leadership books but few are as accessible, personal, and action-oriented as this one.”
—“This was just the book I needed (as someone who has been in middle management for a while, but feeling stuck. Mid life!).”
—“Leader by Choice is a must read! Do yourself, or someone you care about, a favor and order the paperback version of this book.”
[UPDATE: Due to the positive feedback I received on this series I turned it into a short book called “Lead Like Mike”. If you want to support me and read the ten posts all in one place you can now order the book here.]
So, now we’re on episode 7 of the ten-part documentary series “The Last Dance” about Michael Jordan’s last year with the Chicago Bulls. Part 6 was about the importance of competing against ourselves.
Are You Doing What’s Right or What’s Easy?
Last blog post I said the first word that comes to mind when I think of Michael Jordan is competitive. But “The Last Dance” documentary gave us a window where we can see a different side of Jordan. Some saw him as mean, unfriendly, and even a workplace bully.
Referring to his competitive drive in episode 7, Jordan is asked, “Through the years has that intensity come at the experience of being perceived as a nice guy?” To which Jordan responded, “Winning has a price. And leadership has a price. I pulled people when they didn’t want to be pulled. I challenged people when they didn’t want to be challenged.”
Winning has a price. And leadership has a price.
Michael Jordan
Jordan explained that he felt he had to be tough on his teammates to bring out their best so they could win championships. Could a different leadership approach have worked? Maybe. But in this episode, some of his teammates said that while they didn’t personally enjoy his leadership style they believed it was effective in producing championship level players.
There were a few uncomfortable scenes in episode 7 where Jordan was taunting and pushing one of his teammates to step up his game. There were also a lot of scenes where Jordan was alone. Are these two things unrelated? I don’t think so.
James Jordan, MJ’s father, was his best friend.
Okay, so am I saying we need to be lone wolves or jerks to be great leaders? Absolutely not. I would never defend bully behavior- from anyone.
Being mean is just not in my DNA; it’s not authentic to who I am. And I don’t believe we should copy what someone else did just because it appears to have worked. That’s called “survivorship bias” which is a logical distortion of our understanding that happens when we assume that by looking at someone’s success, while ignoring their failures, we know how they succeeded.
Leadership is Situational
The question we need to ask ourselves is, “What type of leader is needed in this situation to get the results desired?” This is an uncomfortable question because it could mean that we will need to do things that make us uncomfortable or don’t feel good.
Was Jordan being a mean jerk just for fun? No. He was strategic and intentional about it. Did he take it too far at times? Yes. Here’s an example.
But something to consider is that people who know what they want and are putting maximum effort into getting it aren’t necessarily described as “nice” and aren’t looking for more friends.
They’re on a mission. Join them or get out of the way. These people are determined, passionate, ambitious, focused, goal-oriented, or just savages but being nice is not the main goal.
Leaders cannot afford to be nice and agreeable all the time because there are some types of people who are programmed to take advantage of others. And some situations require disagreement to find the best option. We don’t have to be nice, but we can be kind. And there’s a difference between the two.
Jordan is right; leadership comes at a price. And if you are not prepared to pay that price you are not ready to accept the responsibilities that come with being a leader.
The price might be conflict, speaking up when you rather stay quiet, confronting others, defending an unpopular idea, or staying quiet when you want to speak. It depends on the situation.
But the more I write about leadership the more patterns I see on how contrarian it is. I’ve been in situations where being a nice guy made things worse. The first time I fired an employee was really difficult for me. I’ve had to counsel employees and those aren’t fun conversations. And I’ve had to manage employees who hate me.
The common thread in those examples is doing stuff I didn’t “feel” like doing. Sometimes leadership is a battle between two selves- the side that wants to listen to your feelings (your heart) and the side that wants to listen to logic (your brain). So, which do you listen to- head or heart?
Leadership is a constant tug of war between feelings and facts and emotions and logic. In sum, leaders are here to do the hard stuff. We’re supposed to analyze situations with both our heads and hearts.
But our response should be based on doing what’s right and not what’s the easiest thing to do or what feels good.
And usually, during hard situations, the best response is usually the hardest action to take.
LEADERSHIP NUGGET #7: Do what’s right and not what feels good.
This principle doesn’t just apply to work or business environments. It’s the same thing in our personal lives too. As the leader in my home, it means there are times I have to listen to criticisms about myself when I don’t want to. I have to admit my mistakes. I have hard conversations that I’d rather avoid. The battle between doing what I feel like doing and what I have to do doesn’t stop when I get home.
The price of leadership is that there are times when you will be the bad guy. Sometimes you’ll have to deliver bad news or you’ll have to speak up when you really want to stay silent. And other times you’ll have to admit your mistakes. These are all situations where we as leaders will have to go against our natural instincts and do what’s right instead of what feels good.
Our feelings are misleading. Feelings want to keep us in the safe zone away from all the danger, conflicts, hard conversations, potential failures, and setbacks.
But leadership comes with a price. And if you try avoiding, there will be consequences. This is how psychologist Jordan Peterson describes it, “You’re going to pay a price for every bloody thing you do and everything you don’t do. You don’t get to choose to not pay a price. You get to choose which poison you’re going to take.”
Effective leadership means there are moments when we will be totally exposed, vulnerable, and scared. And that’s okay. Do the hard stuff anyway cause whether you act or not there’s always a price to pay.
There has never been a greater need for good leaders in our homes, communities, and governments. If you like this series on Michael Jordan, check out my book, Leader by Choice.
Be the leader you are looking for.
Some of the book reviews:
—“I think everyone can benefit from reading this, but especially those who feel they are held back by their past.”
—“I read a lot of leadership books but few are as accessible, personal, and action-oriented as this one.”
—“This was just the book I needed (as someone who has been in middle management for a while, but feeling stuck. Mid life!).”
[UPDATE: Due to the positive feedback I received on this series I turned it into a short book called “Lead Like Mike”. If you want to support me and read the ten posts all in one place you can now order the book here.]
So, now we’re on episode 6 of the ten-part documentary series “The Last Dance” about Michael Jordan’s last year with the Chicago Bulls. Check out Part 5 too which was on the importance of focusing on the main thing.
Are You A Competitor?
What’s the first word that comes to mind when you think of Michael Jordan? For me it’s competitive. In episode 6 there was a scene where Michael Jordan’s mother talked about how Michael and his older brother would play each other on the driveway for hours and those games would sometimes end up with punches being thrown because they were so intense.
Once my kids had a sports day at school where they competed in several sporting events. Because these were internal and non-formal competitions sometimes the kids competed against older students. That day one of my daughters placed between 1st and 3rd in her events and I think she got 1st place in her swimming event after beating some of the older kids.
My daughter’s excitement was contagious as she explained how she won. And when I asked, “What did you win?” She said, “Nothing.” The winners didn’t get trophies, medals, ribbons– nada. Instead, the school distributed participation ribbons for everyone who attended.
So, instead of recognizing and incentivizing competition, hard work and athletic excellence the school put everyone in a safe bubble of mediocrity by not recognizing those who excelled to avoid hurting the feelings of those who lost. Everyone was recognized for participating.
Around that same time, I saw a friend’s post on Facebook expressing her concern about how bad competition is for children. Today, talking about winning can seem a bit selfish and losing can be seen as psychologically damaging.
One of the ideas I mentioned in my book Leader by Choice is that we — Americans — are becoming so freaking soft. Painful and hard experiences like failure, hard competition, standardized tests, hard to accept facts, or differing points of view are discouraged. In short, we only participate in things that make us feel good or reinforce our opinions.
But Jordan was so driven by competition and the will to win that some felt he took it too far at times. His love for competition was extending to gambling. Some speculated he had a gambling problem.
There’s a scene in episode 5 where Jordan is playing a game against John Wozniak, one of his security detail. The goal is to see who can throw a quarter closest to the wall. Larry beat Jordan and then gave him the signature Jordan move- the shoulder shrug. Larry is now internet famous because he’s known as the only man to have beat Jordan.
When asked directly if he ever had a gambling problem in the documentary Jordan denied it and responded, “I have a competition problem. I have a competitive problem.”
Jordan saw life through the prism of a competitor. Did he take it too far? Probably. But I believe he was also competing against himself. The reason Jordan was nearly always the go-to guy to take the last-second shot is because he wanted to prove to himself that he could do it.
In episode 5 Jordan says, “I bet on myself.” And I love that idea because I think it’s missing from our vocabulary.
I bet on myself.”
MJ
I’ve seen so many people, including myself at times, go through life without ever betting on themselves or taking risks. Without that sense of a competitive drive or that will to win it’s hard to believe that you will succeed.
One of the most amazing things Jordan did in his career was to keep his competitive drive after winning his 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th championships. It’s incredibly difficult to stay hungry for so long. Jordan constantly looked for ways to trick himself mentally to stay engaged. He would convince himself that other players had disrespected him, he was inspired by the memory of his father who passed away in 1993, or he was encouraged by the sight of entire families coming to see him play.
Jordan found a reason to push himself to win by always finding an internal “why” that kept his fuel burning.
When describing his experiences playing with Jordan in the NBA playoffs and championships, Charles Barkley said in the documentary, “Michael wasn’t going to lose.” That’s the will to win that I’m talking about. Or put another way, Jordan is quoted somewhere else saying, “I’ve never lost a game; I’ve only run out of time.”
LEADERSHIP NUGGET #6: Leaders develop a “whatever-it-takes” mindset which is fueled by an internal “why” to compete against themselves.
Going with the flow of life is fine, but that’s not a plan. I can’t speak for others, but personally I need the will to win because life is hard and is constantly testing us with things like failure, sets backs, and disappointment. Without that internal competitive drive, we simply give up.
When someone tells me they just want to go with the flow of life it signals they don’t know what they want out of life so they’ll just settle for anything.
I want to in marriage.
I want to win as a father.
I want to win financially.
I want to win with my health.
I want to win in my career life.
And I’m not competing against anyone else. I’m competing against myself because life doesn’t just hand out trophies just for participation. There are some people who have to fight for the things they want and I fall into that category. So, what do we do? We compete.
Stay humble; stay hungry.
So, are you competing for the things you want most out of life or are you expecting a trophy just for participating?
If you like this series, and want to increase your leadership I.Q check out my book, “Leader by Choice.”
Some of the reviews:
—“I think everyone can benefit from reading this, but especially those who feel they are held back by their past.”
—“I read a lot of leadership books but few are as accessible, personal, and action-oriented as this one.”
—“This was just the book I needed (as someone who has been in middle management for a while, but feeling stuck. Mid life!).”
—“Leader by Choice is a must read! Do yourself, or someone you care about, a favor and order the paperback version of this book.”
